Personal

Life’s always evolving. Sometimes it’s worth taking a step back to reflect on where we’ve been and where we’re headed. In these articles, I share my personal thoughts, lessons learned, and updates on what’s going on in my life. From new experiences and milestones to moments of introspection, I dive into the changes, challenges, and growth that come with navigating life. Whether it’s a big decision or a small moment of clarity, these reflections are about connecting the dots and sharing the journey with others. Life isn’t just about what we accomplish—it’s about how we experience it along the way. So, if you’re curious about my latest reflections or life updates, you’re in the right place. Let’s explore this crazy ride together!
Patrick Choi
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Musings of a Restless Mind: Exploring Passion, Creativity, and Consistency

It was around 50 minutes past midnight. I was laying in bed. Staring at the ceiling that was dimly lit by my desk lamp. I closed my eyes. My thoughts wandered. I thought about what I was doing that whole day, and the days before. What did I want to do? Where did I want to be? Why wasn’t I there yet? Do I even know what I want?

Well, sort of. I knew that I wanted to do more than just work my regular day job, I wanted something I could call my own. Something I created, and nourished, until it became something bigger than myself. Something I could share to the world and be proud of. Perhaps more than that, it was the innate desire to express myself and be recognized, to be known for something great, to leave a legacy behind.

Because somehow, I feel uneasy or unsatisfied by “just” going to work, finishing the job (hopefully well) and simply enjoying the day off without some grand project to work on. (I suspect this feeling of “guilt” has roots deeper than this post has space for, so let’s dive into that another time.)

But here’s the thing: I do know what to work on. At least so I thought. I set five goals for myself, for the new life I was going to live in Barcelona. While most are related to my personal being, one is about the said “project”, or in other words “my creation” – whatever that may be.

This creation – it could be “passion” or “life’s work” for some, “side hustle” for others – is usually derived from your interests. And well, I have many interests. Possibly more than is good for me. For instance, the things I enjoy, do or consume range from photography, filmmaking, programming, running, traveling, reading, curating music, productivity, personal development to anime, video games, startup ecosystems and stories of successful businesses. I could theoretically deep dive into any of those to establish my “niche” and thus target audience.

As if this wasn’t enough, there is also the question of medium or channel. Do I create online content through blog/newsletter articles, Instagram, YouTube videos or podcast?

It feels like I’m everywhere and nowhere at the same time. I recently met a music producer (by the name of kamo., tell him I sent you!) at a (Powfu) concert. He is an awesome guy, and I was impressed by what he’s done so far even though he has a different full-time job, just like me. But I also couldn’t help but think to myself, having one single-minded pursuit or passion to focus on sure seems nice. There is no need to think about what to do. The formula is simple. Make music in your room and publish it on the different channels once ready to launch. Of course, that’s an oversimplification.

More than anything, it begs the question “What is wrong with my own formula?”. Why is it that I struggle to be consistent in my online creation?

Well, there are many factors. For one, I don’t have that one passion and it shows. I started my journey of putting myself out there by creating my own personal website in 2020, showcasing my different projects and interests, like my programming projects, the books I was reading and the prominent “Impossible List” people tell me about when they visit my website. I also started a newsletter which didn’t last long – actually, chances are, you reading this are one of the old subscribers – hi, friend!).

Then I started my YouTube channel which could be called my biggest creation, and yet it hasn’t realized its potential to the fullest because of few and very inconsistent video uploads. Next to that I also created a second Instagram account for my photography which also is plagued by inconsistency.

So yes, I’m all over the place. Secondly, there is no one theme in all of this. It’s kind of just whatever falls on my head. For example, the videos are not about me teaching you on a specific topic or making entertaining content as one kind of endeavor or identity, like a music artist or a philosopher or physicist.

Sure, you could argue that making videos on whatever you are thinking about or is happening in your life is still a simple enough formula that one could pull through and repeatedly act on.

But I suppose it just ain’t for me or I am not ready for it yet. The problem might be that video production, especially the sort of music video/vlog style I make, is just so multi-faceted. Unlike music or podcasts where only one sense is engaged, a music video/vlog does not only necessitate good video footage in terms of quality, composition, movement and what & when is captured with the camera beforehand (i.e. capturing in the moment, and also filming myself without help) but also choosing the ones you want to use out of all that footage you possess, and then of course also good editing with the sound design, music choice, transitions, color grading, possible narration, storytelling/flow, messaging, and finally launching it…wait no, also you should have a thumbnail and video description and all that setup to then also promoting it.

Okay, it feels like I am just ranting at this point. But there is some truth to it. All these different things I listed are skills and time investments in themselves. And to the non-professional who wants it to be “good”, it can be paralyzing. Welp, there, I said it. I want things to be “good”, when clearly, “perfectionism” (or in this case “goodism” lol) is the enemy of progress.

This is a vicious cycle because when I don’t allow myself to make “crappy” stuff I take much longer time, and when I take much longer, I not only feel like I am not doing enough or am too lazy and incompetent, but I also don’t feel particularly energized to do it again or continue working on it since it’s not that fun anyway. And so I distract myself with diving into something different that could be more fun.

In truth, video editing can be fun when I am in the flow, but there are many things in the process that can be a real drag.

“But Patrick, can’t you just stop whining and let go of perfection like you already noticed yourself?”

Uhm, well, yes, I suppose I can. Buuuut, I’m still gonna be an idiot and do something different, like writing this article right now 🙂

But in all seriousness, like I was saying in the beginning, I was laying in bed and thought about what could be done against my uneasy feeling. I believe that, just as my friend is focused on producing music, I too can focus on writing pieces where the need to juggle different separate “activities” (like in video production) is minimized. I just need to sit on my ass in front of the laptop and write. I am not saying that music production or writing is easy, not at all. But you get the point.

It’s about making things as simple as possible to start. For me, writing makes my creative journey of expressing myself easier to start and get the ball rolling.

What about you? Do you have something that you like to do or create and share, but somehow find difficult pulling through? How could you make it simpler to start?

And with that, I thank you for joining me on this introspective journey. I hope this piece has sparked some resonance within you and prompted you to reflect on your own creative pursuits.

Moving forward, I am committed to sharing my thoughts (on topics such as personal development, content creation, productivity, entrepreneurship and creativity) with you every week, delving into the progress of my goals and sharing insights and wisdom that you can apply in your own life.

Stay tuned for more! And remember, never settle for anything less than what ignites your passion and creativity.

 

Yours truly,

Patrick

 

Earlier:

…

“It’s 2:05 AM. I’ve poured my thoughts onto these pages for a little over an hour… Time to rest and recharge.”

…

“Night two. It’s 11:45 PM. I’ve spent over 3 hours weaving my thoughts together… Crafting one’s ideas does require time and dedication. Now, my work here is complete. Tomorrow holds new possibilities. Good night.”

…

P.S.: The title was generated by AI and the last few closing sentences were overhauled by AI. Oh it’s good…scarily good.

I tried out the Generative AI for images by Substack and wrote sth like “asian guy trying to film, take a photo, edit a video and write on a notebook at the same time”. Spooky.
Patrick Choi
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Connecting Dots: Embracing the Journey of Exploration

Hi folks!

As you might have noticed previously, I gave my newsletter the name “Connecting Dots”. Where does that come from? Glad you asked!

I learned about the concept of connecting dots when I listened to the commencement speech of Steve Jobs at Stanford University a few years ago. Though only much later did I come to appreciate that philosophy more deeply.

I highly recommend you watching or listening to the full speech after you finish reading here, but essentially, the core message can be found here:

You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart even when it leads you off the well-worn path; and that will make all the difference.

Often, the path you (or other people) set out for yourself don’t quite turn out the way you imagined. The roles I thought I’d fill changed and developed over time. I still remember that one day in primary school when I was supposed to write about my “dream job”. Mine was being an automobile designer. Yeah, I really loved drawing 2D cars as a kid. My seat neighbor wanted to be an astronaut. Looks like neither of us made those ideas come true.

Later in school I thought again about what my aspiration was. I kind of wanted to have a high impact role, to somehow change the world for the better, “advancing society/humanity”, my teenage brain thought. And according to my research back then it had to be something in STEM, like engineering was supposed to play a vital role in the future, making humans prosper with new technologies and possibilities.

Not long after I thought computer science or programming was the way to go, since it’s something relatively new, modern and cool. Doesn’t seem like the traditional STEM subjects where you’re juggling a bunch of numbers and formulas. Besides, all the video games I enjoy are created with programming, now that’s cool. I even went so far as to convince my parents to buy me some sort of Java programming course, which probably took a lot from me to ask.

As it often goes, the biggest reason you don’t pursue something after all is self-doubt. Though it may very well be a reasonable assessment. In my case I probably thought my mathematical skills weren’t strong enough to pursue computer science fully. Instead, one of my strengths were my linguistic skills. I was always the no. 1 person for English (which I took pride in), and my Spanish wasn’t too bad either. Now adding my intercultural upbringing to that observation, it suddenly seemed like International Business was a good fit.

Was I passionate about it? Hard to say, there wasn’t much in high school that was similar, so I didn’t have a good picture of how the work would actually be like. All I know was that it seemed somewhat respectable and that I could make a decent living off of it. And here’s the thing, another factor that went into my decision, whether consciously or subconsciously, was how much money I could make to support myself and my family at some point.

The fact that my family was never really well-off and I was to become the first academic in my family (neither of my parents was even able to finish high school) made me feel like I had a great responsibility. I had to make something out of my life, not waste the opportunity that was given to me. For instance, I was also creatively inclined, I thought about becoming a designer, video game designer or other more creative jobs. But in the end, they didn’t feel very promising financially. It was risky.

I sometimes wonder whether I would have been happier if I chose a full-time creative path from the get go.

A parody I made with Photoshop depicting my uni squad as the Forbes 30 Under 30

But here’s where the concept of “connecting dots” is so powerful. Remember, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, only when you look backwards. So only later in life do you realize how all your decisions made in the present and past connect with each other in unexpected ways that really pay off for you in a beautiful way.

For Steve Jobs, there were several such noteworthy instances. An interesting one is where he dropped out of college because it was too expensive. That, however, led to him discovering and participating in irregular courses such as calligraphy which ultimately helped him introduce the first ever personal computer with “beautiful” fonts. (Btw, although I’m very much inspired by Steve Jobs’ story here, I actually never really owned any Apple product (except the iPod Shuffle 4th gen). The times I tried using an iPhone or MacBook I just couldn’t get along with the user experience somehow.)

Later on, Steve Jobs got kicked out of Apple, the company he co-founded. While this was a very unpleasant moment of his life, he recovered and started over because he still loved what he did. He went on to found NeXT, which had a big influence on the computer industry, and became owner of Pixar, the computer animation studio responsible for many beloved movies. Apple eventually acquired NeXT and Steve Jobs returned to lead Apple.

In my previous post I mentioned how I have too many different interests and that I sometimes don’t know what I’m doing or what I’m supposed to focus on like:

Hey, I like photography, but I also like making videos. But what kind of videos? I like it cinematic with a story. But I also like it educational. About what? I don’t know, productivity? Or personal development? Perhaps startups and their ecosystems! Or maybe founder and business stories? Maybe just pure entertainment with video games? Maybe I should not make videos but just focus on creating an MVP (minimum viable product) of my startup idea(s)! I guess I could also just write…or do a podcast. Damn, I can’t decide. Now I’m stuck with all of these, none going very far…

  • probable monologue in my brain lol

Perhaps this makes it more difficult for me to develop into a specific role or skill area very deeply, but in the end a diverse set of interests leads to different experiences and knowledge that when connected can spark a unique idea or vision. At the very least, the execution and result of it will be unique.

I used to be jealous of people who already know what they wanted to become very early on, but I realize now that a) many of those that I know later decided for something else after all, and b) “good for them (and for us)!” because that way they are happy and we have more dedicated skilled people available, it’s a win-win!

Recently, I made the call to move from Germany after my BSc degree at the Technical University Munich to Barcelona, Spain to start a new chapter in my life. Honestly, it was scary and exciting at the same time. I’m working full-time now, and I realize how as a student you were much more flexible and how making friends was also much simpler. There is also the fact that I’m not a native Spanish (or Catalan) speaker (though I’m on my way to getting fluent! 🤞). But new environment means new opportunities! And I’m gonna make the best out of my situation!

You don’t need to have it all figured out. That’s the thing. I don’t know how long I’ll actually stay in Barcelona. Life happens. Nor do I know whether the job/company/role I’m doing is the one I’m gonna stick with for 2 years. Will I have found “that person” by then? Or will I have finally figured out what I love doing/creating the most? Who knows? The uncertainty coming from the sheer endless possibilities can be dizzying. Yet at the same time, why rush? I’m still young. In fact, it seems like wherever I go currently, most likely I’m the youngest. There’s really not much I can do that can derail my life into a complete disaster…well, at least I think so…but let’s not jinx it haha…

As lost as I sometimes feel, I think it’s important to acknowledge how much I actually have to be grateful for. I have a roof above my head, got enough resources to enjoy more than enough things in my life to not feel miserable or worry about finances, can develop the skills I want so long as I don’t stand in my own way, and most importantly, have generally cool people around me. Some may be interesting acquaintances while others are nice friends, and yet others are even closer, people you can trust and go to for all kinds of things. I mean with that in mind, what’s there to worry?

The moral of the story is to embrace the journey of exploration and not worry about having a singular passion or calling. Trust that your diverse interests and experiences will eventually connect and lead you to your true passion. Keep following your instincts and don’t stop until you find what you love. By the time you have found it, you’ll know.

Bi-Weekly Progress Update

  • Work:
    • Business Development ain’t an easy job, but I’m getting there. Targeting mostly traditional companies with a revenue of 250M€+ and selling pretty much the most complex and expensive software out there (ERP) means being more strategic but also more patient
    • It turns out that I also need to work on my communication with certain stakeholders because sometimes they may not understand my intention behind a message which could result in a misunderstanding
  • Friends & Co.:
    • So much has happened in the last two weeks. We had a team building event at the beach which I had co-organized. The games we had got way more competitive than we thought, it was intense. And fun.
    • Illenium concert in Barcelona! One of my all-time favorite artists!
    • A couple of days in Madrid at my friend’s! La Hispanidad was amazing. Ton of free events, shows and concerts to enjoy. Love the vibe and lifestyle there.
    • Another event at the company, we completed a Survivor Race (6K+ with 20 obstacles)!
  • Language Skills (Spanish):
    • Duolingo, surpassed the 365 day streak. Tbh now I would not focus too much about it because I don’t feel like the Duolingo units are challenging and fast enough. But the gamification game of Duolingo…so irresistibly strong.
    • Otherwise I have also been able to speak a lot more Spanish with native speakers due to my stay in Madrid (e.g. my friend’s landlord and other friends) and also my recently moved-in flatmates.
  • Creative:
    • Well, I certainly have been writing a lot more now since I started this newsletter, I think it’s a good exercise. It does take a lot more time than I thought though…
    • My main videos are kind of taking a backseat right now. At least I saw some good videos I can watch later for improving my filming & editing game.
  • Fitness:
    • Ok, the last two weeks I haven’t worked out as much, but to be fair, I was in Madrid for bit more than 5 days. And in that period I walked almost 100.000 steps. So I’d say I was quite active.
    • In total: 2 workouts, 1 yoga, 1 run, whole lotta steps & Survivor Race

Alright, I think that’s all for now. Usually I’d add some more little sections like photo/quote of the day, and a few favorite things (to read, watch or listen to) I discovered and want to share, but I think this time the issue is more than long enough.

Thank you so much for reading! Hasta pronto!

Originally posted on Substack.